I guess we've just accepted this dystopian hell, huh? Every week it seems as if there's a moment when we all collectively look at one another and ask, "what in the absolute fuck was that?" 

The other day, Wendy's had a PR nightmare where their CEO Kirk Tanner joined a candlelight vampire gathering, aka an investor call, where he lauded all the company's new AI breakthroughs, even hinting at the possibility of uber-style surge pricing. Which is some seriously "WOW, you're a dickhead” level of corporate evil. Of course, after the public got a whiff of this purely capitalistic greed, Tanner sent the hounds to cover up this blunder. Everyone read between the lines here. He threw a softball, hoping the moneyed investors would lick their chops in joy, and instead, every media outlet still standing lit Tanner and Wendy's up. For their defense, it was a big, "no, wait, we didn't mean that," and volleyed that the media skewed their position. Wendy's rose to the most expensive fast food places, which is crazy because have you ever been to a Wendy's? It's like everyone who's ever made a Dave's Double is pissed about their lot in life to do so. So, knowing that they hiked their prices seems like a trivial slap to the Average Joe just trying to grab something on their lunch break. Because, seriously, no one is willing to pay more for lunch, especially not a Bacontator. 

But this isn't the only food mishap this week. Multimillionaire asswipe Gary Pilnick aka the CEO of Kellogg's, was on MSNBC telling poor Americans, "The cereal category has always been quite affordable, and it tends to be a great destination when consumers are under pressure," Pilnick said when talking about high grocery prices. "If you think about the cost of cereal for a family versus what they might otherwise do, that's going to be much more affordable." Then, this turd doubled down, citing, "In fact, it's landing really well right now. Cereal for dinner is something that is probably more on trend now, and we would expect [it] to continue as that consumer is under pressure."

This guy who makes $4M to sell Frosted Flakes is telling poor people to get bent. Have you ever heard "Eat the rich?" It sounds like it's time for forks and knives.


Sadism is our Brand 

So it goes in 2024. We were all begging for life not to be like it was in 2023, and so far, minus a world-melting Taylor Swift pregnancy announcement, it feels like more of the same. (Jesus, can you imagine T-Swift and Kelce announcing that he knocked her up? Talk about a broken internet full of mindless bullshit wondering what they’d name that poor bastard.) Ask most people, and they won't believe the job numbers presented. While there might be some tangible wins, the middle class is getting hosed. As more investors pull out their financial daggers, wanting money back from tech companies who promised the moon, the people caught in the fray of layoffs are begging to work. 

LinkedIn used to be annoying. Like, super annoying. The feed used to be filled with people celebrating cringe corporate events with phrases like, "Love this crew!" while wearing a goofy sparkly cowboy hat, celebrating their tech company, Poopi, that writes code for high-end Japanese toilets. Now, LinkedIn is an AA circle for people who feel hopeless as they're desperately trying to find work. Every day, there's an argument based on a few recruiters who've said the green "Open to Work" banner seems desperate while many people trying to keep their lights on – it's a great mix of living comfortably and hoping someone doesn't get evicted. 

Every week, there are more and more layoffs. It seems like no industry's safe – even blue-collar jobs that traditionally are always looking for someone to swing a hammer are scaling back. UPS, Google, Oracle, it's insane what we're seeing on the tech side, the industry that did have a boom and bust early on but has since grown into the economic powerhouse our world kinda revolves around. 


Two Old Dudes and No Hope 

But we're supposed to celebrate Joe Biden. Really? This guy? For what it's worth, Donald Trump is a sociopath who only wants to be president again simply for revenge. He doesn't care about Iowa farmers and the price of eggs. He fucked those people passing multiple bills glad-handing the rich and screwing over anyone holding a feed bag. Yes, he did offer some extensive checks to farmers in 2020, but again, while you can pay people for X time during a trade standoff, you can't nickel and dime the rest of every industry on the back of probability. Donald Trump only wants to be The Guy so he can find new, cruel ways to horse fuck every liberal, every person who's ever been against him. He doesn't care about folks at the auto workers' plant but about making people pay for his loss. 

But Jesus, Biden is not a good president. The dude is ancient, and it's not even a slight jab of a thought. He'll be eighty come election time. A man that old should be enjoying his sunset years on a golf cart doing geezer shit, not trying to run the complex social and economic powerhouse known as America. While the Dems might rattle their sabers at their wins for passing Biden's Jobs Act, it's a shell of what it was on the trail. Again, the job market sucks for anyone with a college degree and experience, and we haven't even touched on border security, which apparently has become a quagmire just like guns – even though the Chiefs can't even win a Super Bowl without people dying. 

Let's also pepper in two wars that do not benefit the United States; one is Ukraine, a proxy war that could have been avoided, but politics. Putin is an asshole, that's confirmed, but the entirety of the scale of the war shows that while parts of Hawaii still need rebuilding, we're cool with blank-check billions going to a war that benefits only companies like Raytheon and Boeing. Then we've got the Middle Eastern nightmare which is essentially a total holocaust of a sovereign people, but hey, who gives a fuck about killing THIRTY THOUSAND PEOPLE? Just about every American that's not obsessed with party politics (see Republicans) has reached the point of, "can we just do a cease fire?" And basically, we've let the world know we're cool with that. 

Boeing, who makes all kinds of evil war shit, also happens to make most of the planes that we ride in commercially. Their 737 Max has had two crashes, a door has blown out mid-flight, and now, the manufacturer has ninety days to fix every plane. Standard stuff, exploding planes with bad electronics due to them rushing to make an investor-driven deadline. Is anyone noticing a theme here? 

Bad leadership is everywhere. We're left holding the bag. The media (what's left of it) feels like a PR team because anyone holding feet to the fire is on the breadline (lemme tell ya, it's not great.) From planes to burgers to politicos, it's what we're willing to buy what they're selling. Every day, it's easier to feel less human. Between mass layoffs and people being gross for a dollar, it feels like we've reached apex capitalism that allows CEOs to say things to make investor's money horny, and the rest of us consider taking up arms. 


What a Cool Disco

I'm a fossil who yearns for a past I wasn't a part of. I want a life that smells of cheap corner cafes and old books. A rent a writer can afford, but still coupled with a life of worrying about keeping my typewriter working and whiskey addiction fed. I know we all view the past with rose-colored glasses, but social media and emerging tech aren't for me. Neither is a car payment of $500 a month, along with a $415 insurance note to match and when asked about it, "Those are the rates." Just the same when a bag of tacos was cheaper back when, and a can of pop was a quarter. All of it's conjecture, but whatever we're evolving into, man, it doesn't have a beat. 

Can we get better? Really? Can we? It's a daring question to ask when considering what we've mutated into. That's not a political question, either. It's what we've allowed in a world where media is essentially dead, but instead, we subside off of distraction – you're probably reading this on your phone in between scrolls to further my point. I'd love to say this is a moment for the history books, but what do we do when Elon Musk has new awfully life-like robots, and Apple has goggles complete with nerds pinching and swiping the air? 

Fuck robots will be here soon, and the ship from Wall-E will be the norm. I guess we can find solace in a comfortable death. I can’t wait for people to openly tote around their cybernetic slam piece. It’ll be weird at first like meeting people off the internet, but soon, lonely weirdos will have their programmed cum depository who never argues back and the population will plummet. There will probably be a tube of liquid Big Mac and a cyber maid to wipe your face and ass, once we get on those Disneyfied Carnival ships in space, though. Can't wait. I'll bring the trepidation. I’ll let those guys bring the fuck robots, though. Cumming into a toaster with tits is against my moral code.