Album Review
Cripples, The
Label: Dirtnap Records
  • 1/5
Reviewed by Andre Lozoya
Oh my God! What can I say! Well here goes nothing... It's not like every day that I get a free promo. I usually have to buy everything I review so money's always an issue for me and my unfortunate girlfriend. "That's right, baby, top ramen makes you lose weight and makes you strong. Just eat it." But here I'm given a FREE cd to review from our pals at Dirt Nap who put out great bands like the Briefs and The Epoxies. But here is a CD that definately doesn't share in the greatness of their other bands. What am I to do? I want future releases for free and don't want to jeapradize that, but the TRUTH calls. So the TRUTH must be uttered.

These guys suck big monster balls!

Picture this:

It's 1992 and a bunch of potheads get together to start a band. They've got an 1980's synthesizer and an unwavering devotion to all things Sonic Youth. So they're off, making music to their hearts content.

That is indeed the sound of this tragic CD. It may have been ground breaking or even amusing back then but today you wonder who let these schmucks press their shit onto CDs. The wasted effort... the hardwork of creating CD artwork... the tough work of promotion... It boggles the mind!

Listen guys,Stop Right Now! Give it up immediately! You suck. And more importantly you are a dismal, boring band. Honestly, I tried to like you. Many times. But at each listen my hate grew and grew. I now hate your band. So be nice and just put this one out and stop while you're ahead. Maybe when our lame, nostalgic culture comes back to the 1990's Lallapooloozer era you can stick your ugly little heads out of the woodwork and do a reunion show. Until then, just stop! I mean it!

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